hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
