You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
