I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
