After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sober January is a disaster.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
