what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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