thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
