I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
