Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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