I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
