Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
