can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
