Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
pop tarts are not kleenex
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
