fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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