She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
