so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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