Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
