1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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