i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
