lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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