if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
