You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
