Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
