i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
