He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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