I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
stop calling my apartment porn island.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
