I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
