I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
