Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
