You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
