Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This is classic penis vs brain.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
