When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
