I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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