Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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