do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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