come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
