Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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