My liver just broke up with me...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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