Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
