You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
