New low: just hacked my moms facebook
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
