thus making me awesome and them whores
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
We had to coat check the pizza.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
