Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
