Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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