capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
