After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
