The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
