the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
