Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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