she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
