you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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